By Kristy Hocking
For a woman so intimate with death, Renee Adair’s passion for the full spectrum of existence is incandescent.
Trained as a natural therapist, reiki practitioner, parenting educator, grief educator, aromatherapist, birth and death doula — as well as holding the very important role of mother and grandmother — Adair has been busy, devoting herself to being of service.
“As I get older, I feel like the experience of being with people has taught me more than any of the study that I’ve ever done and having been in and around these industries for about three decades now I’ve certainly worked with a lot of people,” Adair said.
Growing up pre-millennia with the occupations on offer a mix of blue collar, white collar and select creative roles — supporting folks through birth and death would appear to be quite the niche.
A doula is a non-medical professional who provides guidance through birth and end-of-life in service of the individual and family.
The goal is to keep the individual mother or individual approaching end of life comfortable and to keep their wishes at the forefront when engaging with medical professionals and family.
The concept of having a companion through birth dates to prehistoric times, however the more contemporary role of “doula” has grown out of the grassroots natural birth movement which originated in 1960s America. The concept of death doula only emerged in the late 1990s and 2000s.
“I work with individuals as well as other organisations and universities to bring awareness around end of life and birth, predominantly education in those spaces and how we can bring the humanity and sacredness back into those places,” Adair said. “I feel like the world’s a crazy place and we have lost a lot of what it means to be with each other.”
This advocacy and care work has previously been passed down through community, oral traditions and mentorship.
Now with more accreditation in the arena for doula training, including Renee’s very own training program Womb to Tomb, the birth and death care industry is becoming more mainstream.
Rather than making a conscious choice to pursue a career in the birth and death industry, subsequentially becoming an industry-leading educator and advocator, Renee believes the role of doula found her.
“I was 19 years old when I discovered the LGBTQI+ community and found a place where I truly felt I belonged. I made some fabulous friends who quickly became my chosen family.
“At 24, I lost my first friend to AIDS. The year before, I had lost another dear friend to suicide. The community was living through immense grief, fear, and uncertainty. By the late 1980s, St. Vincent’s had opened a dedicated AIDS ward (Ward 17 South) to care for people living with HIV/AIDS.”
The following years saw Renee devote countless hours in and out of St Vincent’s supporting friends through their final days. She recalls the time as a “baptism by fire into the end-of-life space”.
“Many (of my friends) had been abandoned by family members and lifelong friends because of the stigma and fear surrounding HIV/AIDS at the time,” she said.
“I was never afraid of being around my HIV-positive friends. What frightened me was witnessing the prejudice, judgment, and isolation they experienced when they actually needed compassion and love. I could not imagine being seriously ill and facing it alone, so offering support felt like the most natural thing to do.”
At a time in history where not enough conversation, education and advocacy around sexuality and human rights were taking place, the death positivity movement was similarly several years away from coming into focus.
Adair wished to be of greater support.
“I joined the Ankali Project as a volunteer and completed their training program, which prepared volunteers to provide emotional and practical support to socially isolated people living with HIV/AIDS. Those experiences helped shape my understanding of compassion, advocacy, and the importance of simply being present for people during the most difficult moments of their lives.”
A natural desire to be of service in friendship grew to be the strong backbone of a broad, fulfilling career advocating for others who are largely underrepresented, along with sharing beginning and end-of-life wisdom with academic departments and individuals alike.
In 2007, Renee established the Australian Doula College in Sydney — the first college universally to launch government-accredited doula training. After 18 years, she felt it was time to establish a new umbrella of training and services with Womb to Tomb.
After Adair’s first trip to Arnhem land in 2019, feeling inspired and deeply affected by the extreme inequalities experienced by the Yolngu people, Yothu Basket Initiative was born.
She was approached by Dr Sarah Ireland and Associate Professor Elaine Lawurrpa Maypilama from Charles Darwin University to take accredited doula training to Galiwin’ku, a remote Aboriginal community in East Arnhem Land, as part of a pilot training initiative under their Caring for Mum on Country research program.
“Witnessing these challenges first hand reinforced my commitment to supporting mothers, babies, and families living in Galiwin’ku,” Renee said.
Adair has worked with a countless number of individuals seeking to become accredited birth and death doulas themselves, as well as individuals on their own journey toward motherhood and death.
Camila Franks said: “Becoming a mother was the most beautiful, terrifying magical experience of my life. It does take a village and Renee is the queen of that village and the best starting point for the journey that anyone could wish for. Her beautiful energy, wisdom and understanding wrapped me up in a warm and comforting blanket for the ride. In western culture it’s such a clinical experience and new mothers are expected to take the reins and run with it rather than soak up the whole new world that you enter.”
If you have been inspired to grow your skills in the care industry, or are considering a rewarding career change, Adair has some advice.
“The biggest quality I believe you need if you are thinking of becoming a doula is non-judgment. You’ll need to have a genuine desire to walk alongside individuals and families through some of life’s most significant transitions. It requires compassion, empathy, and the ability to remain emotionally grounded, even during challenging circumstances.”
Though Australia’s birth rates have hit historical lows, the Australian Bureau of Statistics indicates parents are having babies later in life. With advocacy needed in an ever-strained hospital system, the demand for doulas is high. The numbers in end-of-life care show an incline, due to the country’s growing and rapidly ageing population.
“The feeling in the room for me is the same when someone is incoming and someone is outgoing. That sacredness,” Adair said. “The first and the last breath are actually one.
“How we are with people when they’re coming and going is so important, and we have forgotten that in our culture today. We don’t practice in that way. Everything is systematized. It’s crazy.”
If supporting autonomy in birth and death resonates with you, Womb to Tomb offers various education and resources.
If this article brought up challenging feelings, help is available at Lifeline.
Featured image: Doulas provide support at the start and end of life. Photo: CC/Pixabay