By Lisette Tyson
As I spend another weeknight mindlessly swiping on dating apps chasing a dopamine hit, I begin to wonder, do I believe in love?
Although I love many people in my life, in a romantic sense the way love has been redefined by our age of technology and the nonchalant man has resulted in deep frustrations across generations.
In an ever-growing landscape of division, where social media can magnify all the things that make us different, I wonder if something as contrived, so human and universal – love – could act as a force to remedy the ongoing culture war between Boomers, Millennials and Gen Z.
On a quest to prove that we are more similar than we think, I decided to bring it back to the basics. I took to parties, dates, the streets and unexpected places to ask strangers from Boomers to Zoomers: “Do you believe in love?”
On a restless Friday evening, after a cancelled date and with unused adrenaline, I went to a local restaurant, alone. After ordering, I sat down and got to chatting to a couple of people on the table next to me. After some brief conversation about opal farms and Mexican food I asked: “Do you believe in love?”
Micheal, 55 years old said: “I believe in love. There is a word ‘Agape’, it’s Greek. It means unconditional love and that’s the most powerful type. Though, unconditional love cannot always be selfless, we get something out of it. I have loved four women in my life romantically, and I still love them because love doesn’t go away.”
That same night I called my ex.
Then there was Josh. I was taking a friend to a mental health facility in Sydney and in the waiting room we meet a 30-year-old man called Josh and got to chatting. He shared that he had tried to take his own life earlier in the day. Despite this, the waiting room was filled with laughter and energy deep into the early hours of a Tuesday morning.
When I asked Josh he said: “No, I do not believe in love. When I hear the word ‘believe’ it puts it in the realm of faith and when it comes to love I only know love to be true. I don’t believe it, I know it.”
On this next occasion, I was on a first date where I found myself in a car with Slater, 20. Initially bored with the conversation and questioning why I even got in the car, I decided to ask him.
Slater said: “I do believe in love. I don’t know if I have ever experienced it though. I was 15 and it was a girl I was with for only a couple of months. But it felt so intense. I can’t be sure though because I was so young.”
Xavier, a 24-year-old from a small town in regional NSW, and I engaged in an old-fashioned way of communication (email).
“I know love to be true,” said Xavier. “I am still in love with my ex, so I can’t get into another relationship. I am even prolonging moving to Melbourne just in case she changes her mind. I was an island in our relationship, I should’ve been better.”
Finally, on a porch somewhere in the Blue Mountains I ask CEO Karen, 63.
“Humans have partners because we are so scared of being forgotten once we are gone,” said Karen. “We need someone to view our life, to prove we existed and that we mattered.”
In a world that is ever changing and distracted, this is a reminder that across generations, gender identify and religion, at least one thing is true. We all have the desire to be loved, to have mattered, to have given to others.
Maybe love is not some naïve relic younger generations have lost, nor something older generations have given up on. Maybe it’s the one thing we all still reach for, quietly or loudly. Our heartbreaks like a stretch mark which one can point to and prove they loved so deeply.
If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.
Featured image: A house party (left) and a concert for the band Dust’ where I talked to people about love. Photos: Lisette Tyson
